Seasoned Moms can Learn from Newbie Moms
Being the “old mom” of the three of us, I watch my partners struggle with many of the decisions I too had when I was a new mom with my first child. I watch and listen and secretly smile inside, knowing they will make the best choices they can, regardless of any advice I might slip out.
It’s so hard sometimes to just listen. I so much want to share with them what decision I would make and all the reasons etc. Then however I remember, just as I watch new moms hover over their first new baby wanting to protect them from every tiny pain they might encounter, pricking their finger on a rose, falling from a single step or preventing them from a bump if they trip, all these little “mistakes” are really just natural lessons.
Pain is a lesson in all its degrees, it’s not bad, it is simply a lesson of what doesn’t work. We can, at times overprotect too much so our children learn the lesson in some other way, we may also be teaching them not to trust your warnings if the consequence doesn’t happen. Through this lesson of wanting to be the “knowing experienced mom”, I suddenly realized that what I was judging as the “awful critics in my head”, shaming and criticizing me, causing me deep pain at times, really was the same voice. I was once told that within the sadness lies the answer. Through the compassion for our critic and the understanding of the underlining message it speaks, we grow.
I’m not suggesting you allow your child to fall down a set of stairs, or allow them to put their hand in fire, nor am I suggesting we allow our critics to overwork us into paralyzing depression. It seems to be all a careful balance. Whether we are one or fifty, we all learn from mistakes, our sadness and confusions. So as I watch, I remind myself, my partners aren’t going to harm their babies with any decision they make about whether they choose to eat organic or not, whether they breastfeed for a year or two or even harder decisions like whether to vaccinate or watch your baby suffer through childhood diseases.
All our lessons, be it thru pain or joy, create our diverse and beautiful selves, and I smile with a reminder, we are all doing the best we can.
